#1 Sex What's the difference between white onions, brown onions and a 30 centimeter dick?
Nothing.... They all make your eyes water.
#2 Sex A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" "That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, "I can see why you are embarrassed." He thought a minute and then said, "You know, I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible.
Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship. I'm sure your parrots will stop saying that...that phrase in no time." "Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw this two male parrots were inside their cage, hold their rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After just a couple of seconds, the female parrots exclaimed out in unison, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"
There was a stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and said, "Put the beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!"
#3 Dirty Jokes A cucumber and a pickle were having a conversation. The pickle said to the cucumber, "I got it bad man, every time I get big, fat and juicy I get seasoned and put in a jar."
The cucumber said to the pickle, "Well every time I get big, fat and juicy I get chopped up and out over salad."
The penis walks by and overhears them and says, "I got it worse than you both. When I get big, fat and juicy I get put in a dark, smelly room and they make me do push-ups till I throw up."
#4 Dirty Jokes A gentleman is permitted to join a private club. The initiation consists of holding an unprepared on-the-spot lecture, on a theme starting on a letter which is allotted to him.The man gets an S, and chooses to give his impromptu lecture on Sex.
Coming home and reporting to his wife, he chickens out and says that he spoke about Sailing.
The next day, his wife meets a club member who says her hubby gave a very good lecture last night.
Wife: "That's strange, I must say. He has only done it twice. The first time he got sick, and the second time he lost his hat."
#5 Sex One morning a little girl ran inside and said "Daddy, Daddy my sister and the man you hired last week are up on the hay loft in the barn on all that new hay we just bought. She has her dress up and he has his pants down. I think they are about to piss all over that new hay!"
